


The Quest for the Holy Whatchamacallit

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [73]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Supernatural
Genre: Bad Poetry, Crack, Drabble, Humor, M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-19
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2018-01-02 02:07:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1051267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel and Lucifer return from the epic quest that Helo sent them on. With some stuff.  Yeah, they don't know what it is either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Quest for the Holy Whatchamacallit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Furrina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Furrina/gifts).



**Gabriel:**  I have returned from my quest! And I bring with me the promised infusion of wormwood!

 **Lucifer:**  Too late, brother! I have already given Samuel my prize: powdered root of asphodel!

 **Sam:**  Why would I want either of these things?

 **Lucifer:**  But we were questing! To win your love!

 **Sam:**  Oh. Um. Thanks? I guess maybe I can use them in a spell or something?

 **Snape:**  *appearing out of thin air* DUNDERHEAD! *disappearing*

 **Gabriel:**  So, which of us won?

 **Sam:**  Won what, exactly?

 **Lucifer:**  The traditional angelic mating dance, of course!

 **Sam:**  Um. Well. I don’t know how I could possibly judge…

 **Lucifer:**  If you require another musical number, I have brought my trombone!

 **Sam:**  That’s okay!

 **Gabriel:**  So how will you decide who won?

 **Sam:**  Well, since you seem to be…evenly matched?…in the whole questing thing, I’ll have to come up with something else.

 **Lucifer:**  Yes?

 **Sam:**  I’m not sure yet, but I think it will have something to do with orgasms.

 **Gabriel:**  That sounds very wise.

 **Lucifer:**  I’ll go get the gimp suit.

*several hours later*

 **Sam:**  Well, I think that was a rousing success.

 **Lucifer:**  Who won?

 **Gabriel:**  I lost count.

 **Sam:**  We can try again tomorrow. Why is my elbow in a puddle? Of something that is not a bodily fluid?

 **Lucifer:**  I knocked over the wormwood on round four.

 **Gabriel:**  Eh. It was a stupid quest anyway. This is much better. Sop it up with that powdered root thing?

 **Snape:**  DUNDERHEADS! *takes powdered root of asphodel and disappears*

*meanwhile, in Sam’s head*

**Halucifer:**

 

> _Trapped in this cage of our own dark creation_   
>  _I know nor peace nor freedom by your side,_   
>  _Yet nothing kin to bondage or damnation._
> 
> _Long have I slept and waited for salvation_   
>  _And yet more years you know that I would bide_   
>  _Trapped in this cage of our own dark creation._
> 
> _I’ve shared these sleepless nights and day’s privation_   
>  _And known a thousand souls scream as they died,_   
>  _Yet nothing kin to bondage or damnation._
> 
> _And feeling naught beside you but elation,_   
>  _I yield myself to hunger and to hide_   
>  _Trapped in this cage of our own dark creation._
> 
> _Woulds’t thou confess to any vile temptation?_   
>  _I’ve recompense for all that you confide,_   
>  _Yet nothing kin to bondage or damnation._
> 
> _In your arms still to wait for the duration_   
>  _A nutshell bound, a kingdom to preside_   
>  _Trapped in this cage of our own dark creation_   
>  _Yet nothing kin to bondage or damnation._

_…_

**Helo:**  Oh.

 **Halucifer:**  You didn’t like it?

 **Helo:**  No. I just. Wasn’t it supposed to be funny? I thought these fics were about being funny? That was kinda…emo.

 **Halucifer:**  It’s an expression of my love for you! What do you want me to do? Make dick jokes?

 **Helo:**  …No?

 **Halucifer:**  What did you write?

 **Helo:** Um…

 

> _There once was a figment from Sam’s head_   
>  _With an ego as strong as a cheese spread_   
>  _His ass is quite nice_   
>  _I’d sure like a slice_   
>  _Of his devilish butt in my bunk bed._

**Author's Note:**

> If you want updates as they happen, follow me on tumblr, where I am going by using-this-name (with dashes instead of underscores).
> 
> I would also LOVE any prompts that you would like to send me on tumblr. Any pairing, or any trope!


End file.
